Sex has this very paradoxical thing about it because we see it everywhere but it is very rare to talk about it. Except in private, you might say… and even then! Can we consider that speech is totally free in a couple? Are all desires and wishes expressed? In terms of sexuality, in a society where we increasingly put our own needs before those of others, is this also true? And when there is a problem: what happens? Why is it ten times more acceptable to have problems with sleep, stress or self-confidence than problems related to sexuality? Young people look for answers on social networks, which are a real foundation for their sexual education. But what about adults?
This is an important, sensitive and even taboo subject. And what does the taboo do? It makes us fantasize, and prevents us from seeing what reality really corresponds to us. Yes, sexuality is intimate, but that doesn’t stop us from questioning it. We must question it! Expression is the greatest enemy of taboo, and therefore the greatest tool of care for us.
Sex: between representations, fantasies and reality
Today, pornographic content is being consumed earlier and earlier, distorting the view of sex – and even relationships in general – in the minds of young people.
There are over 12 million websites dedicated to pornography but they are rarely seen as inspiring or a safe place to explore our diverse sexuality. Mainstream pornography generally caters to a very male and heteronormative view of sexuality. This means that it shows what turns heterosexual men on, or at least what is supposed to turn them on. This is often penetration. The woman’s desire then plays a rather subordinate role.
However, we know that this representation does not only have a negative effect on women. Men also feel under pressure because of the role they are given. That of ‘permanent performers’ who always have to be ready. Breaking away from these stereotypes can therefore be a liberation for everyone.
Towards a trend in ethical porn?
In parallel to these pseudo “sexual norms” stemming from traditional pornography, there is a great return to the natural, to who you really are, to your tastes, no matter what nature they refer to… Today, we speak of ethical porn.
Denise Kratzenberg, co-founder of the Cheex platform, gives us her definition: “There are several criteria that are important when we talk about ethical porn. First of all, we are obviously interested in the conditions of production. Sex workers must be treated and paid fairly. The content should only be produced with the consent of all. After discussing what is acceptable and what limits should not be exceeded for each artist.
Another element that plays an important role for us is representation. In one sense this means that pleasure is represented equally (between the sexes). But also in another sense, that there is a diverse representation in which minorities are not stereotyped. When you select porn and add it to sites, it also means that the categories do not reproduce stereotypes. Instead, they are diverse and sexually positive.
Cheex, is a platform for inspiration and sex education that offers erotic movies but also sexy audio stories, live tutorials and a magazine that breaks taboos on all things intimacy. “Cheex’s mission is to provide a safe space for entertainment and sex education. We create a progressive and inclusive approach to pornography where people of all sexual orientations and identities can enjoy inspiring, explanatory and supportive content on their individual path to sexual liberation. In addition, Cheex creates a safe digital space to encourage its community to explore their own sexuality with an open mind, alone or with others,” she adds.
Can we develop our capacity for enjoyment and pleasure?
“Slow sex”, orgasmic meditation, sex tao, tantric massages… With or without a partner, there are many ways to develop our capacity for pleasure and enjoyment. But is the seventh heaven really within everyone’s reach? In the West, thanks to the arrival of Eastern practices, we have discovered meditation, yoga, but also unexpected points of view on sexuality such as Tantrism, which is the practice of a more spiritual sexuality known as sacred.
Tantra or Tantrism is probably the best known practice of sacred sexuality. Indeed, it is important to know that Tantra is first and foremost a spiritual path, one of the many streams of Hinduism. Some of these currents consider the sexual act as a practice that can lead to a certain awakening, unlike other religions that only consider the sexual act as procreation… This dimension of sacred sexuality in the West is also inspired by Taoism, an ancient Chinese philosophy and religion.
From spiritual to practical
Furthermore, as the body is seen as a wonderful tool at our disposal to refine and transform consciousness, it is important to pay close attention to what it can make known. Therefore, the exercises are not rules to follow or recipes, but ways to encourage a receptive state to “what is” in partners.
The key is to be patient, attentive and present, and to let the sensations and pleasure flow, vary and grow. A state of relaxation is absolutely essential, both to avoid distraction and to allow access to all available energy. It is also necessary to free the mind and heart from frustrations and unexpressed resentments in order to achieve a certain level of trust between partners. This can be done by developing the habit of expressing feelings clearly.
The practice is meant to lead partners to broaden their sensory experience beyond (but not excluding) the genital area. The whole body becomes erotic and capable of great pleasure.
Orgasm is good for the brain …
Everyone has their own preferences, the important thing is to enjoy and share each other, in carnal love… Sexuality is an important aspect of our lives. But for some, it is just another breath of fresh air. Moreover, it is often closely related to the right to happiness, guilt, love of others, self-respect and self-esteem. A fulfilled sexuality brings more joy, vitality, energy and fantasy. It stimulates the mind and pushes it to innovate, to know itself better and to discover the other. It allows you to discover your potential. It is not about performance but about letting go. Everyone has their own rhythm and desires and we must respect them!